Wile E Coyote

You've gotta hand it to the Yanks. They make the best cartoons by miles.

Over the past couple of years the American mainstream media has unwittingly produced an endless stream of hilarity, setting new standards for schemes involving ludicrously unlikely devices of destruction.

The first ground-breaking classic was the unprecedented hostile campaign the Democrat establishment and their media allies catapulted at Donald J Trump while he rallied his way towards the White House. In time-honoured tradition, that impossibly heavy mass of hysterical hyperbole completely missed its target, rebounded off a sceptical public and crushed the cable networks with a resounding crunch. Trump was elected President while the media's already dubious reputation was squashed flatter than a cartoon cat beneath a falling anvil. Thud!

Never the sort to let physics or practicality stand in their way, the US establishment tried again with its increasingly desperate and derided Russian collusion hoax, but that unstoppable snowball of scandal simply melted away as it rolled down from the top of the mountain, reduced to nothing more than a grubby ice cube in a small puddle. Splosh!

Not to worry, the dynamite trap of Dr Christine Blasey Ford's explosive testimony would surely blow Trump's dream of appointing any Supreme Court nominee to kingdom come. Too late did Ford and her handlers discover they'd wired themselves to a decades-old allegation of sexual assault, which had never been mentioned in six previous FBI investigations and didn't contain a single verifiable fact related to the alleged attack. Naturally the Senate Judiciary Committee and the American public weren't buying it, so we all chuckled as what little remained of the establishment's credibility was blown miles into the air by Justice Kavanaugh's confirmation. Crunch!

Trudging back to their lair for a good long think, the US media establishment placed a brand new order with the Acme Corporation, this time for an authentic grassroots example of hate, bitterness and division born of Trump's America. They were duly supplied with a bunch of kids from a Catholic high school who were filmed shouting and…I can barely bring myself to write it...smirking at some elderly Native American who was merely exercising his First Amendment rights. At last, this was it! This was the big one! The cable networks, Tinseltown and its surrounding celebrity satellites immediately piled into that group of wannabe National Socialists with hysterical calls for expulsions, doxxing, harassment and the general ruination of these children's lives for their awful and unconscionable crimes.

Once again our clueless coyote had pulled the cord on his Acme cannon, and how we all laughed as it pivoted around and blew its hopeless owner to smithereens. Many media outlets and named celebrities are now the subject of defamation lawsuits after footage emerged confirming that the Covington kids had done nothing wrong. They were in fact sought out, surrounded and harangued by the very people who later claimed to be victims of their hatred and intolerance. Boom!

Burnt, battered and staggering a bit, there's just enough time for the final spectacular. This one surely cannot fail as the racially motivated assault of a minor celebrity blasts off on its Acme rocket sled, reaching impossible speeds as media outlets and blue-check celebrities vie for the coveted place of top virtue signaller, having learned little from the Covington backfire just a few weeks before. Nothing can go wrong this time. It's all so perfect, right down to the MAGA hats, bleach and the noose placed around this unsuspecting fella's neck.

Of course, we know now that it was all a lie from start to finish; and Jussie Smollett has been charged with several felonies and castigated even by Chicago's hyper-politicised police force.

The screen fades to black as the media's Acme Super Accelerator Go Faster Rocket Sled veers off the rails and heads over the horizon with its hapless pilot firmly tied to it. Pow!

Wile E Coyote would be so proud! I can't wait for the feature length 2020 special.